My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
