so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
We are two peas in an std pod
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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