First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize