They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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