we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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