That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Even my vagina gasped.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize