my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
