around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
