i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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