We got so high we made milksteak
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
