I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
