no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize