I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
