You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
