Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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