wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
