Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize