dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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