im holly from the hills drunk
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He's on the porch naked. Help.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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