my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
