Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
