so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
