the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
