We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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