I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
