so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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