My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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