It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
