I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
