a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
