If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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