4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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