Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
