if you like me you must not know who I am
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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