I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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