i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
