im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
