I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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