worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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