Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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