I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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