You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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