Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
