The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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