i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Will you blow on my dice?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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