I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
