I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
