Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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