its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
