so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
