This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
