Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
