Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
