Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
