did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
