Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I want you more than these girls want KFC
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
