Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
