so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
