i came on her dog
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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