we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize