I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
There r osticjed everywhere
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Someone came in the potted fern
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
