Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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