just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
