Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
too bad you live with your parents still
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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