I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Sorry my hands just texted you
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
