If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
