Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
