Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
