honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
