Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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