This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
