I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
