It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
