defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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