Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
