I'm going to jail i love you
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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