Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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