mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Blood and glitter go together right?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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