i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
