put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
