she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
