I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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