i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
