I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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