Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
