Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
