Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
