You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
