Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize