Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
