you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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