dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
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