I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
