ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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