I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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