I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
my shit smells like andre
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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