I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
