you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
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