I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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