She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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