Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
