I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
