Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize