I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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